Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's rum buckets o'clock
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
