Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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