So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
