he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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