You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
