It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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