was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have fence marks all over my body
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
