Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
