Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
