why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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