I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
