i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
oh god was she eating orange peels again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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