chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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