I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You are a genius and a whore.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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