You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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