May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
