Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
