You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we made out on top of his cat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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