you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
