brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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