I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think people are normalizing furries
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
