Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
