Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
two words...techno handjob
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
