..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
