I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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