Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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