Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
