i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
