Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
