He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
