New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
