that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
