he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
