I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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