when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
