after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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