I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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