I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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