best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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