i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
