I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
