I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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