Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
