It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
