Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize