I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
