sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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