Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
