I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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