So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
