Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
