I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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