There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
