I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
