I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
