We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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