So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Randomize
