And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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