Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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