just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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