I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
