His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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