Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
