I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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