Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
