Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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