i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
