Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
