What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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