I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
