weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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