Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
