I cannot find my penis.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
