Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
