i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
