Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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