the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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