we made out on top of his cat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
