I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
