erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
