well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
