Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
