I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
