I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
