hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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