it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
