My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
