the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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