So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
