how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is Oprah even human
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
