i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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