Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
